to an old adversary

I told you we would meet again
I told you I would fight
I told you I would give it my all
I told you day and night

Reasons... You're fired!!!

There is one thing that I do similar to everybody else and more of it than everybody else. That particular verb is “Reason”. I reason everything out. Why I should do this? Why that is incorrect? Why this is the way to go?... All day long, I reason and I have been doing it for many years and it has been a source of power to me, something that I felt was my very own, something that could not be taken away from me and something that was dependable, trustworthy for once.

But then again, I reason FOR some option on some day and then I reason AGAINST it two days later. And this I do quite often. With absolutely no change in circumstances, my reason changes. If circumstances were the variables which the reason was suppose to compute and give me the output, then the reason has proved extremely unreliable. What I thought was my source of power, I realized, is influenced by a variable which I wouldn’t want to acknowledge: “My preference”. My reason works according to what I prefer and helps me convince myself of the “preferable” options. My mind, being the way it is, has helped my reason to do a fantastic job at this for many years.

And hence, I feel that those who, in their own opinion, have trust worthy reasoning skills have no reason to trust their reason at all. For trusting reason is unreasonable. What was trustworthy and dependable has proved itself to be (again through high quality reasoning) absolutely incompetent. The fact that I am writing this proves that it has self-destructed. My reason has proved my reason unreasonable… The source of all my powers… gone!!!

Schrodinger's cat

Sometimes, in life you are stuck with a decision which involves making a big change in life where the outcome may be good or bad and you just can’t figure it out. The outcome, if good, is extremely desirable but how can one go ahead with the choice with there being just as good a probability of a negative outcome? This situation has been tackled and talked about in many different ways over centuries but I plan to share it today under new light.

I was watching an episode of the show “The Bing Bang Theory” today in which they portrayed the use of an amazing chain of thought so I thought I’d write about it here. The episode mentioned an experiment called the Schrodinger’s cat which originally was used to illustrate the incompleteness of the theory of quantum mechanics when going from subatomic to macroscopic systems (obviously, I didn’t understand this either!).

Anyway, what happens in that experiment is that a cat is placed in a box with a sealed flask of poison which would break and open at a random point of time. Now since no one knows when or if the poison is released, until the box is opened, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead.

So basically, what it says is that if the outcome is probabilistically good or bad, its nature can deterministically be determined only after one finally…. “opens the box”.

You can apply this exact theory to the difficult change-involving decisions you face. So you may optimistically open the box so that if the cat is alive, you can rejoice. But if you are thinking about the possibility of finding out that the cat is dead and are scared of opening the box, you must know that if you don’t ever open the box to feed the cat, it’ll eventually be just two different kinds of deaths that the cat is expected to get!!!

not again!... (2)

He opens the door and steps out into the calm of the night. He didn't think much of it before he opened that door but now.... now, it seems right.. right at home. It is 1 in the night. The roads are deserted, the wind blows unobstructed and he stands fixed to a spot... letting the solitude of the night fill him to the full

Peace!

And as always, it struck again. A sea of memories takes him from where he was... in control, sane, coherent... to where he didn't stand a chance of being so. He thinks he has seen too much. But making it all worse, he thinks he'll hate more what he's about to see. He thinks... he thinks...

I... MUSTN'T... THINK!!!

He regains control for an instant. Moves two steps to his left and tries to... shake it off

It happens

But opening that door didn't seem that great an idea any more. He thought he'd like it... but he knew he'd regret it. Five minutes in solitude had given him more agony than five days otherwise.

Some other time... maybe when the time is right

He stepped back inside, leaving the night, the calmness of it, the solitude, the peace and.... closed the door

Farewell and friends

4 years of college life have gone by. It seems like yesterday that I had my first day at NSIT (actually, to think of it, it feels more like four years back only but this is just something we say). It is farewell time again in my life. It is that time again when you look to the future in hope that you will somehow be able to take forward with you in time all that you loved here. But this time, the farewell time comes with a difference. This time it comes with the experience and knowledge of what happens to your friends’ circle after a farewell (since we’ve already had one before).

Basically, if I was to think about this after farewell period with respect to friends in the pre-farewell place, I can sub-categorize the period into 3 zones:

1. Farewell to joining: First period is the period where you have the holidays after leaving the first place but you haven’t joined the next place (which was college for me 4 years back and is my work-place for me this time around). One thing that happens in this period is that you filter out those people that you won’t be talking to much in the life to come. This is because if you don’t speak to someone too regularly in this period when everyone is free, there is a very good chance you may not communicate with that person in the life to come.

2. Joining and burn-in period: This is the period when you start getting the hang of the new place. Change is hard to take and you may start getting nostalgic easily. This period I’d say generally lasts from about 1 month to maybe even 4 months. This period involves a sudden change in frequency of communication with those you talk to. What you can gauge in this period is the amount of effort you can expect from your friends to stay in touch in the future.

3. Post burn-in settled period: Well, this period is when you have settled into the new place and have even laid the foundation for new friendships. And it goes without saying that in this period, those whom you communicate with are going to be in touch with you for a long long time as your communication with them has stood the test of busyness in yours and their lives and even the presence of other new friends too.

Well, after all writing all this self-created semi-technical stuff, I am reminded of how I would love to be in constant touch with all my friends from NSIT even years from now, just like what I wanted to after school. But I know this time round that all this depends on various factors out of which the frequency of communication is most important. Problem occurs when this factor isn’t given its due importance. But we’ll talk about that in a separate post….

We did it!!!!

I cannot believe it. I wouldn’t have taken the possibility of it happening seriously if someone had suggested it to me 3 days back. But it has happened…. WE WON 2-0!!!!

There are so many aspects of this victory that make it the most satisfying indian win (barring a couple of indo-pak matches) I’ve ever witnessed. One of them would have to be sachin’s contribution in both the finals. When a man reaches the level he has, people start pointing out the minutest of flaws in his armory, even though they might not actually exist. So many people have argued with me over a long time saying that sachin does not play the big games well and some of his performances in finals were quoted as examples. When I pointed out to them his sharjah heroics, they said that that was way in the past. When I pointed out to them his performance against Pakistan in some of the recent high pressure and high importance games (including the game in WC 2003), they said that those games weren’t finals so they shall not be included in the stats about his performance in finals… Well, he played two finals here and got 117 not out in one of them and 91 in the second. So, all I have to say to those people today is…. Ssshhhh!!!!

Another reason that made it special was the way people like Harbhajan fought fire with fire. The Aussies and their supporters will never forget the way he got under their skins. And he got Hayden and Symonds in the first final and got Symonds in the second as well after playing his part in the Hayden dismissal. So it’s quite safe to say that he settled the rivalry for the moment to his liking and that he played the game the aussies are famous for and beat them at it. Good going Bhajji!!!

There had been so much happening off the pitch after the sydney test but it is nice to know that ultimately we are leaving Australia victorious and the whole Aussie season was ruined in their last two games. All this also got Ricky Ponting to eat humble pie as he had suggested before the finals that the series won’t see a third final. Well Ricky, atleast that is one thing you got right…. Cheers!

Apart from the above, there are other reasons to cheer too. The emergence of a good one-day captain and the heartening show put up by the youngsters are things that will help indian cricket in the future.

But for the moment, it’s time to just sit back and enjoy the moment… :)

not again!

Can’t say he was short of breath, but he was panting that’s for sure; tiredness took over his knees, he tries not to think of it cause he couldn’t afford to be tired… well, that’s atleast what they told him; he tries to concentrate on the next milestone.. but he knows it to be a mirage, cause he wouldn’t get too long to stop.

And then he makes it

Yes!!!

Catches his breath, thankful to the respite his body gets. A moment passes… and he starts seeing that there’s not enough to celebrate.

I expected more

He looks around, there aren’t enough people…. Some run ahead of him, some he left way back

Where is everybody?

There is a wait in his eyes… a touch of disappointment too with a touch of thought over what lies ahead, a touch of thought over whether the next milestone will be worth it.

It’s time

He suddenly gets the urge to bow out, to not fight time, to go at his own pace… but then his eyes turn a touch more dead than they were a moment back, takes one last look at what’s around him and …. runs

I have no choice